Sutherland Shire Domestic Violence Committee

Domestic Violence can take many forms and is different in every family situation. Domestic violence generally occurs as a pattern of behaviours that are linked by power and control. This means that one person in the relationship intentionally and deliberately rules by fear, suppresses the others free will, intimidates, coerces and threatens to, or actually does harm to the other, as a way and means to control or have power over them.

Emotional & Psychological Abuse

  • Does your partner call you names or make you feel bad about the way you look?
  • Does your partner verbally degrade your self-worth by constantly putting you down?
  • Has your partner ever humiliated you in front of friends, family or in public?
  • Has your partner ever threatened to have you “committed” or tell others you are crazy?
  • Has your partner ever played mind games with you?

Physical Abuse

  • Has your partner ever pushed, shoved, slapped, pinched, punched, or physically hurt you?
  • Does your partner have a history of using violence with others?
  • Has your partner ever attempted to strangle you or grabbed you around the throat or neck?
  • Has your partner ever physically harmed you while you were pregnant?
  • Has your partner ever stopped you from gaining access to medication or medical assistance?

Using Male Privilege

  • Does your partner always see themselves as superior or always right?
  • Does your partner treat you like you’re a possession that can be owned?
  • Does your partner insist on making all the big decisions?
  • Has your partner ever told you what to wear, read, or restricted where you can go and who you can talk to?
  • Does your partner monitor and control the financial matters including spending, bills, assets, loans and bank accounts?

Using Coercion and Threats

  • Does your partner use force or coercion to make you do things against your will?
  • Has your partner threatened to hurt the children, friends, family members or pets?
  • Has your partner threatened to report you to Centrelink, the Tax Office, Immigration, Corrections, Police, Child Safety, Employers or others?
  • Has your partner ever threatened to leave you, harm themselves or commit suicide?
  • Has your partner ever insisted you dress more or less sexually than you want?
  • Has your partner ever threatened to kill you and/or your children?

Using Isolation

  • Does your partner try to control your contact with your family and friends?
  • Does your partner need to know where you are constantly?
  • Does your partner insist that you are always at home, only let you out of the house if they are with you or insist on knowing where you are going?
  • Does your partner monitor or limit your phone calls, conversations and Facebook, internet access, emails?
  • Does your partner check the mileage on the car to see if they can work out where you have been or who you have seen?
  • Does your partner check your browser history, phone calls or messages?

Minimising, Denying and Blaming

  • Does your partner blame you for their anger and violence, saying it was your fault?
  • Does your partner deny using violence afterwards?
    Does your partner say the violence “wasn’t really that bad”?
  • Does your partner say that you were “asking for it” after physically hitting or abusing you?

Sexual Abuse

  • Does your partner pressure you to have sex which is unpleasant, pressured or forced?
  • Has your partner ever made you do something very humiliating or degrading?
  • Has your partner ever made you have sex after emotional or physical abuse or when you are sick?
  • Has your partner ever forced you to have unprotected sex?
  • Has your partner ever forced you to engage in sexual practices without your consent?
  • Has your partner ever drugged you, filmed you while having sex, shared images or uploaded sexual images of you to the internet without your consent?
  • Has your partner ever forced you to have sex with objects, others or animals?

Using Intimidation

  • Does your partner damage or destroy your belongings or break things around the house?
  • Has your partner ever punched holes in the walls or doors?
  • Is your partner easily angered and prone to sudden mood swings?
  • Does your talking to others result in unfounded jealousy and suspicion that is out of proportion?

Economic Abuse

  • Has your partner ever taken away your money or controlled how you spend it?
  • Has your partner ever refused to pay the household bills or to give any money towards them?
  • Has your partner ever threatened to withdraw financial support?
  • Has your partner ever prevented you from working or jeopardised your employment?

Using the Children

  • Has your partner told you that you would lose custody or never see the children again?
  • Does your partner question the children to find out information about you?
  • Has your partner ever forced or manipulated the children into hurting you physically or emotionally?
  • Has your partner ever sought to destroy or undermine your relationship with your children?

All women and children have the right to be safe in their home